i just checked in here to procrastinate.
but now all the hairs on my head are standing.
and im having that electricity in the brain i get when i have "religious experiences."
that post below dated march 11 (today) @ sitting in the ER was not posted by me.
i mean i wrote it and posted it a long time ago. right before my first clinical fuck up last semester. but then i changed my mind rt away and took it down. like w/in mins of posting it.
i never deleted it. i saved it as a draft, see.
oh fuck that electricity is off the charts now. fuck.
reasonable explanations: could be a blogger glitch. or someone couldve hacked my account and posted it. (but i dont see anything else funny on my blogger dashboard...so of all things, why that post?).
crazy explanation: i've been "reaching out" for help to get me thru this nursing thing lately. and lately ive been shooting myself in the foot. like today, for instance, i shot myself in the foot on the last day of clinical for the other class. and im at the moment unprepared for tomorrw clinical which is also the last clinical for this class (tho i am working on it right now). could this post, which appeared just now w/o explantion, which kind of marked the beginning of my downward spiral be the reminder i needed from a source unseen?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
no matter the explanation, its ressurection does have significance for me.
i am thankful.
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p.s. i notice it was dated today @ 10something am. 2 things. 1) i was at the other clinical today at that time. 2) if i had re-published that post, it would have have retained its original publish date, sometime after midnight, sometime last semester. wow.
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p.p.s "that image." its changed. its more "intrusive." and in some ways, more vivid. wait. intrusive not the right word. its not unwanted. more like persistent. and its more approachable. and the electricity is still there.
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